Coming Home to Yourself: Healing from Disconnection in Relationship

"Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional" - Haruki Murakami

There are moments in even the most loving relationships when we feel profoundly alone. Perhaps you have experienced this yourself? A feeling of disconnection, like you’re carrying sadness that no one sees, or worse, that your partner is growing tired of your emotions. In those moments, it's easy to believe that something is broken in yourself, or that you need someone else to fix what’s hurting inside…

But healing doesn’t always have to come from your partner. In fact, some of the most powerful healing happens when we begin to reconnect with ourselves. When disconnection arises in a relationship, it often echoes an older pain. A part of you, perhaps a younger version, may carry the belief that your sadness makes you unlovable, or that asking for care makes you a burden. This isn’t a flaw in you, it’s a wound… And wounds need tenderness, not judgment. Wounds let us know where there is more room for peace.

As a therapist who works with inner child healing and parts work, I often guide clients back to these tender places with the help of their trust and bravery. The goal isn’t to eliminate sadness but to make space for it, label it, and approach it with compassion and curiosity. Through this process, we begin to build a new relationship with ourselves: one where we don’t abandon ourselves in pain, but instead become our own source of comfort and safety.

If you're navigating this kind of inner ache, you may have asked yourself, “Why doesn’t my partner fix this?” But instead, try asking, “What does my soul need right now?” Often, it’s presence, reassurance, or stillness. A moment of remembering that you are already held by spirit, by earth, by something deeper than circumstance.

Here's a simple healing prayer that you can return to whenever the ache of disconnection rises:

Dear Spirit of love and wholeness,
Help me remember I am never truly alone.
When I feel unloved, anchor me in the truth of my worth.
When I feel unseen, let me witness myself with compassion.
Help me soften toward the parts of me that ache.
I release the need to be fixed by another, and I welcome the healing already within me.
Surround me with warmth.
Light my path with tenderness.
And so it is.

This kind of spiritual practice doesn’t replace honest communication with your partner, but it does allow you to approach those conversations from a place of groundedness and self-worth. It helps you remember that your pain is not too much, YOU are not too much, and your needs are not unreasonable. You are allowed to feel, and you are allowed to heal.

Just remember, disconnection doesn’t mean the relationship is “doomed." Sometimes, it’s simply an invitation to come home to yourself.